Dealing with a food allergy is not as simple as putting on an apron and getting busy in the kitchen or eliminating the offending food from the diet. In fact, a child will not always have the supervision of Mom or Dad and the home kitchen is not always within arm’s reach. Places like school, for example, need to be a safe place for your child to grow and thrive, yet too often schools and teachers are lacking. Generally, a school may be knowledgeable about allergies that involve the use of the EpiPen and not so informed on the allergies or intolerances that just make a child complain of a tummy ache. A parent needs to keep in communication with the school, making sure the teacher and nurse know what symptoms to look for in the event that your child gets sick.
Think back to your school years and you might remember a particular subject or room that only held bad memories. Most probably these memories are related to a teacher or a bully. For children with food allergies, the lunchroom is one of the worst places in school. Listen as Kari retells what happened to her one afternoon, which wasn’t an isolated experience: “At the lunch counter I got this special desert that I could have and I was really happy about it. While I was about to sit at my table a boy said that my desert was disgusting and flipped my tray over. My clothes were ruined and all the kids around me were laughing. I felt humiliated and ashamed. I just wanted to die. When I told a teacher about it she said that it must have been an accident. When I asked for more food, I was given something I couldn’t eat.” The story continues as this child was also hypoglycemic and because she did not eat lunch that day she got very sick and even more depressed.
Many schools have an anti-bullying policy; however it is difficult to enforce. Furthermore, if a child is already alienated from other classmates it makes it even harder for the child to use the most common anti-bullying skills to stop the harassment. Traumatizing situations can create damage psychologically to a child just as badly as the allergy can do damage physically. Children with food allergies often are given shame instead of confidence and pushed away instead of being embraced. The simple truth is that some children and adults are harshly critical of things they do not understand. It is up to parents, educators, and legislatures to put programs in place to help children, adults, and establishments gain the proper perspective.
The first offering of advice is to be proactive when it comes to the mental health and life skills of your child. Understand that your child will probably be bullied at some point by other children. Having a food allergy makes your child a target for unpleasant social situations. Plan ahead and give them the skills to deal with bullying and ask them often how they are feeling. Children can become overwhelmed by hardships, stigmas, and cruel comments, which can lead to depression and in extreme cases suicide. Consider counseling to help the child learn more skills on how to live with a food allergy.
The Menu: All schools have a lunch menu and ingredient list which can be very helpful in helping your child make the right choices.
The School Party: if there is a school party and you know that there will be food involved, then plan ahead to have the child bring a tasty treat they can eat and make is so deliciously appetizing that the other children just couldn’t refuse to try it. Not only will this help the child with the food allergy not feel left out, but also validated.
To Tell or Not To Tell: Let your child know that while in some cases they might need to tell an adult of their food allergy, they do not have to tell their friends if they are not comfortable sharing. There are many ways to politely avoid certain foods like, “No thank you, I’m on a special diet.”
When I Grow Up: Share with the child celebrities who also have the same allergy. The success of a celebrity will allow the child to realize that they can also be successful. A food allergy does not have to get in the way of their dreams and aspirations.
Favorite Things: Train the child to focus on what they can have instead of what they can’t. This exercise can be a song or a game. For example, have the child name five of their favorite things that they can eat and make a little song about it. Whenever they feel sad or deprived they can sing the song to themselves. Here’s a little song I made up with one of my relatives: Flavored water and popcorn ~ Special ice cream and fries / I’m so happy I was born ~ And my food keeps me alive / There’s no telling what I can do ~ So there’s no reason to boo hoo hoo.
Instruction Manual: A cute fun way to explain doctor visits is that when we are born the instruction manual telling us what foods we can and cannot eat is missing! We have to take tests and try things out in order to discover this information. Once we know though, we will feel much better. This might lead to more curious questions, all in the name of fun. Explaining that this world is diverse and just like different animals eat certain things so do people. Cats are allergic to milk and dogs can’t eat chocolate. Horses don’t eat spaghetti and lions don’t eat bananas. Adding fun memories for the child to associate, along with the unpleasant memories that naturally occur, can help the child balance out the overall experience.
What’s The Plan: Taking time out of busy schedules to plan ahead is completely necessary. Time must be scheduled for this task. When eating out prepare your child ahead of time and get them excited about the choices they do have. At the dinner table plan a special treat just for the child with the allergy. At the grocery store seek alternatives to favorite foods.
On The Roof Top: Make sure everyone in the family is on the same page- you don't want well intentioned siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or others sneaking "treats" to your child. Family members outside your home may not understand what you are dealing with and they may even think you are just being over protective. Regardless of what they think, they should respect your instructions. If your child has a rare intolerance or allergy to a common item like sugar, for example, stay alert! Make sure that everyone that cares for your child (Sunday school, mom’s day out volunteers, music teachers, camp counselors, etc) are properly advised every time you leave your child. Request to see the snacks that will be offered so you can view the ingredient list. Don't worry about offending anyone- you have the right to protect your child from harm. Find ways to be pleasant and not rude when requesting information because you need the people who are taking care of your child to be on your team.
Pass The Pacifier Please: If your child is an infant or toddler you know how quickly they put things in their mouth. Watch out for snacks other mom’s pullout of their diaper bags for their children. If it is something your child can't have, explain the situation. It is a good idea to come up with a short 30 second “elevator speech” of the very most important information you need to explain about your child’s food allergy. Not everyone is interested in listening to a long, detailed, on-the-spot education about food allergies. If a mom asks for more information and a discussion begins, certainly share more, but just keep in mind that the most important goal is to just keep your child safe. Good mommy friends will put any offending food away or keep it away from your child.
Every parent has a ton of things on their plate to deal with, much less the plate at the table. Yet, keep in mind that everyone has something to deal with and ignoring the issue will only make matters worse. Proper planning is at the heart of living with a food allergy. Without a good plan, food allergies can be a source of frustration and pain. Yet, with determination, food allergies can be turned into a fun cook-it-yourself lifestyle and an opportunity to gain good communication skills. We all face challenges in life. One of the hardest tests for a child with a food allergy doesn’t come with a number two pencil, but a spoon. There’s no cheating worthwhile and no getting out of it and getting an A+ is vital. So let’s all work together as a community to ensure success.
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© 2011 Wendy Campbell
